Pears vs. Zombies

Unless you're a hermit, you've probably heard of that crazy guy who supposedly got high off on "bath salts", a synthetic stimulant, and chewed off some guy's face in Miami. It wasn't necessarily a real zombie attack but with all this crazy stuff happening and people trying to snort everything up their noses, it's best to expect the worst and be prepared. After watching all-too-familiar zombie and the living dead flicks, you'd think you know what to do by now if we did have a zombie outbreak. So the question is... do you? Where would you go and hide? How are you going to survive if there wasn't any electricity or water? How are you going to protect yourself from getting infected? And most importantly... what will be your zombie-killing outfit?

Nobody does it like Milla Jovovich a.k.a. Alice of "Resident Evil". I figured after a couple of weeks, I can get my fat hiney to fit into that daring outfit since there would be a shortage of food and I'd be constantly running away from zombies who want my thick thighs for dinner.

What about weapons? There's no way in hell that I'm just going to rely on some kungfu moves to beat a zombie 'coz we all know how it's gonna go down... no matter how many flying kicks and uppercuts you throw, you always end up getting bit. So I'm thinking of a good weapon that I could use from a good distance and I'm leaning towards a rifle, like an AK-47. I've never held a gun before so I don't know how I'm going to even handle a powerful rifle but I know that all those sleepless nights wasted on playing Counterstrike with the boyfriend will finally pay off. Fire in the hole!

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When the zombie attack starts, there are going to be countless options on a getaway car once everyone has fled the city. We're trying to run away from zombies, not stroll around Beverly Hills... so exotic cars are out of the question. I'm thinking big, spacious and bullet-proof. If I can't get a military tank, then this will do...

This baby right here is a Conquest Knight XV. It's a fully armored SUV that runs on bio-fuel with ballistic run flat tires, night vision camera and get comes with a flat screen Satellite TV and a mini-bar. Who says you can't plow through the living dead in style?

The only bad news is... it costs $629,000 a pop and they're only making 100 units of this bad boy. So that means there's probably only one available per first world country. Time to stalk the basketball players or the loud-mouth Mayweather... he'd most likely get something extravagant like this.

Last but never the least, don't forget that we can never ever survive the zombie apocalypse without the help of sunflowers, peashooters, melon-pults, wall nuts and our other plant friends! =)

If you think this post is ridiculous, well guess what? I understand.

...and apparently they ate your sense of humor too.

Toodles! =)


  1. my plan of attack is to just die...running is too hard...even harder if youre carrying an AK47...sooo Ide rather RIP. hahaha

    1. That's the thing. You can't die in peace. They're gonna rip out your gutts while you're still alive and you can feel everything while you can feel your own pool of blood surrounding you. Ew. Morbid much? hahaha


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